On Racism and Socialism -- Part One

Brace yourselves for one of the ugliest emails I've ever gotten, and that includes the one full of selfies from your mom (just kidding, your mother is a beautiful strong woman and you can tell her I said so). This one's a doozy in more ways than one, but one of those ways is length, so I've had to split it in two.

This hurts in so many ways. This is the type of idea that, in my humble opinion fact, has hugely damaged and confused American culture (and others as well!) -- that poor minorities are hell bent on exploiting social services and that as a result we should have neither poor minorities nor services for the poor, and that these two things alone are the reason why good upstanding white folks aren't doing as well as they feel they should be. I stared at that "joke" for hours trying to figure out the best way to respond. I can't be sure I found the best way, but here's what I came up with: 

Chris's forward was sent to dozens of people (all of whom I replied to), so I wasn't sure just how close he and other Ben were. I decided not to play too much of a character, but to try to somewhat seriously talk the guy down while trying (not entirely successfully, perhaps) not to talk down to him. Apparently this was a little out of character for his Ben:

I like how he switches to upper case halfway through the first sentence. This reminds me of something, but I don't figure out what until a couple emails down. I also like how he shouts his name in the middle of the email like a Pokemon. At this point I was still trying to pretend to be someone he knew, hoping a religious appeal might hit home better than mall-sneeze metaphors and lumps. 

Okay hold up, a make believe gold tournament? I don't really know what that is but I accidentally drew it for you just now, I'm sorry:

Here are Chris and Ben just having the grandest time with the free front row tickets they got. I hope that hurt you as much as it hurt me. Stay tuned for the thrilling conclusion!