On Equipment

First, let's take a moment to appreciate how far technology has come. We take it for granted that we can basically run a website from our phones (admittedly, I do rely on good ol' mspaint to stitch the images together, but the rest is phone-based). Just 15 years ago, this was the best we had to offer, although, quite honestly, that is a pretty impressive piece of equipment for 1998. It was a simpler, more tedious time. A time when spam as conspicuous and bold as the following roamed the IMAP-pastures:

Speaking of equipment, that link leads to a .equipment address. As in, "www.blahblahblah.equipment". I won't tell you the actual site because this is very clearly spam and going there is surely toxic. But how long have these wordy domain name suffixes been around, and how many more are there? Have I been living in a damn bunker? I did a bit of research and here are some of my favorites:

• .bargain - a whole class of websites you can safely avoid
• .blue - for people who like blue, or for gullible police stations
• .kim - for people named Kim
• .ninja - (no one has ever seen one of these, but they are supposedly dangerous)
• .rich - special websites just for rich people! To be fair, all these other common websites are dirty and crass.
• .red - perfect for website names like "i-hate-f.red" or "hot-and-bothe.red" or "ur-gonna-get-inju.red"

Anyway, learning is fun, but let's stay focused. I knew this was spam, and that the address was most likely a bot, but I answered just in case there was a human on the other line:

I'm sad to announce that by the time I sent this email, ElsieBartusRAP@yahoo.com had already been deleted. 

R.I.P. Eugene. You only required me to really do one thing and I failed. When we emerge from the tunnels to recolonize the earth, I will make things right. I promise.