On Engagement (Updated)

These are always so much more fun when the recipient replies back. Here we see some truly excellent customer service, if perhaps some poor proofreading and advisory vaguery.

Can I just say right off the bat that I would hate to be the guy that sells rings by sending links to various ring websites after "getting to know" the client? I mean, to each his own, but this poor dude is probably glued to his phone in the most regrettable way, and I am not helping.

I'm honestly impressed that this guy is willing to help what is obviously a hot mess. Points for you, David. But wait, there's more! These emails were sent in 2011, and I'm kinda kicking myself that I didn't keep up the act when I actually got a bite. But it's not healthy to live with regret, and there's no time like the present, and all aphorisms are true, so I went ahead and circled the wagons after having taking more than a few "deep breathes". After three years, I surfaced:

***UPDATE!***

He got back to me:

So he's on to me, and fair enough. But just in case I'm not joking, he's still willing to help. You might call it naivete, but I call it someone who recognizes that humans are absurd and does his best to roll with it. More points for David. This does make me feel a bit bad for wasting an honest man's time, though, so I made sure to write up a positive review for him on the company website:

Dear Tesoro Team,

I would just like to nominate David ------- for some high accolade in the category of customer service. When I was looking for a ring, he was most helpful. But more importantly, when it became suddenly clear that marriage was not about to happen, he was STILL helpful. When I was down on my bones and my soul olfacted as a campsite waste-pit in high July, David was there. When my personal safety net backed away like at a risky circus where the men make bets and the women close their eyes, and I stared down at the tigers and the midgets knowing that the scaffolding was never built to code and the ring leader may have his hands in the nay-sayers pockets, David stood there with his arms wide open, without so much as a Hamilton in the pool. Here is a man, and a good one, who will bend his eyes and fingers toward an empty heart, with all the dust and shadow that includes. My biggest sadness remains the loss of my love, the only bit made to fit the custom security screws of my heart. But my second biggest sadness is that I was unable to purchase a diamond from this kind-hearted burn-balm, this king of customer service. He may consider his contribution slight, but I did not. What can we do to recognize his meaning? I cannot buy a ring, for having it would crush me and I already feel dense enough. Please award him a commission, a promotion, a hug -- anything. Mr. ------ is Good At His Job (caps intended), though he could be a better proofreader; I am willing to let language rules slide in the face of cares. 

Please heed my suggestion, as it would relieve a poor man's sorrow and show his gratitude,

--Ben ------------

I made sure to let David know about this as well:

AND WE HAVE A WINNER! Everybody can go home now. David is my new favorite stranger.